| long time no talk |
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| 04:29pm 06/02/2006 |
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mood:  aggravated music: Lil' Wayne
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I haven't updated in forever. Wow. This semester has definitely been full of a lot of stress. My classes aren't going the way I want them to, my stress load never seems to end, and MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THURSDAY! I am so excited and it seems like I am the only 1. That's fine though. Even if I go out by myself, I'll make sure I have a great time. I'm working a lot more this semester too. No matter how much I work, the money never seems like it is enough. Considering I just paid off my credit cards from Christmas, now I have Josh's birthday and Valentine's day all at once. And it doesn't help that they are the same day! On top of that, he doesn't have a car currently and I am doing the best I can to help him out. I am only 1 person though and making myself and everyone else happy is sometimes hard to do. I went home this past week-end. It was good to go home. My mom has been really sick, but she is finally better, so it was good to spend some time with her. Poor Jake has ticks. Today is his 15th birthday and the poor dog got nothing for his b-day but ticks. Starting today, I am exercising every day and sticking to it this time. I am so tired of the weight I have gained since I have started college. It's ridiculous and it's about time I do something about it. Why is it things aren't the greatest right before your birthday? I had a shitty birthday last year and I'm trying to have a great one this year, but right now, it doesn't seem like that is gonna happen. I went to the cemetary yesterday. It felt like I haven't been in forever. Sitting there, it dawned on me it's almost been a year. All I can say about that is...HOLY SHIT.
Maybe I should actually get something productive done in my life. |
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| stuck like glue |
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| 09:08am 23/12/2005 |
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mood:  confused
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If I don't get this out of my head, it's going to explode. I need to tell someone something, but I feel there is a barrier blocking me from doing so. We'll call this barrier Y. I am X. And the other person is Z. X & Z need to be next to each other rather than having Y in the middle of what is going on. I feel that it's not just X & Z, but somewhere somehow someway Y is just there. That needs to not be happening. I'm seriously contemplating something and in order for that to be, Y needs to get the hell outta the picture! I don't know what I can do to make that happen, let's just say it's up to Z for that. And deep down, I don't think Y will ever be out of the picture and I don't know how I feel about that, but I guess all I can do is accept it now and move on with my life. I know this sounds confusing, I'm sorry, only Michelle and I would really get this. I'm just stuck. The question is...do I or don't I? |
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| home for the holidays |
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| 02:11pm 14/12/2005 |
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Well bitches, I am home. Officially home until January 8. This is probably the first time I am sad to be home. I have a lot of good things going on in Orlando right now and I wish I was still with it. Grades come out soon. I think I got 3 B's and an A. That's right bitches, I got a B in Statistics. 2 points for me! Michelle, Josh, & I did our Christmas last week. It was amazing. I have such great friends. Michelle loves her Lenox Tweety and Josh absolutely LOVED his autographed mini LSU helmet by his favorite player. I can't wait till he opened his other gift, too bad I won't be there when he does. Michelle and I have had mucho good times this semester. I can't even count all of them on my hands. I'm definitely missing already running her room to be goofy and stupid. Oh well. Gives us something to look forward to next semester.
I can't believe this semester is over. Where did it go? I guess time flies when you are having fun. I owe it to Michelle and Josh. I don't know where I would be without either of them. They are the best medicine I could have in my life right now. 16 days babe, 16 days... |
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| yay for friends! |
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| 08:08pm 08/12/2005 |
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mood:  excited
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I haven't updated for awhile, so as I sit here and wait for Michelle to finish wrapping our Christmas gifts, I guess no better time than now! Speaking of Christmas gifts, Josh, Michelle, & I are doing our Christmas tonight. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!! I can't wait till Josh and Michelle see what I got them. Yay! I love Christmas!! Speaking of Josh, me and him are officially dating now. I haven't mentioned him in LiveJournal a lot because well, being I don't update much anymore, I just didn't wanna talk too much and ruin a good thing before it happened. I'm very happy with him. I feel he brings out the best in me and that is something that I need. He also treats me how I deserve and I feel that is important because I need someone in my life like that. I always said you should be with someone who is your equal or higher and I feel he is my equal and that I have met my match.
In other news, school is almost over, finally. 2 finals down and 2 to go. So far, I have an A in Police & Society and a B in World Religion. Go me. Tomorrow I have Statistics and the rest of my French final. I'm not too worried about French as I am Statistics. Hopefully I can pull off a B. That would make my Christmas. Things are shitty family wise. I feel as if my family is falling apart. It's sad, very sad actually. And I feel there is nothing I can do except sit back and watch it happen. My dad isn't doing too good either. He is going into major surgery on Monday. Even though me and him have never been close, I hope everything goes ok. For some reason, I have a gut feeling that they aren't going the way I hope. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
I go home sometime next Monday. I'm excited about it, yet kinda sad. I'm going to miss Michelle and Josh A LOT. Michelle and I have done so much and gotten so much closer this semester and it's going to be sad to not be able to run to her door like an idiot whenever I want for an entire month. I'll definitely be seeing her while we are home though and yay, Josh is coming down to visit me too! I'm not gonna lie, the holidays are going to be a bit hard for me, but I think with how I have been mentally and emotionally the past couple months, I feel stronger than I did at the beginning of the semester and I think I will be able to get through everything. I miss Jon A LOT and he will never be replaced, but I'm learning to take the baby steps of fully accepting what has happened.
Christmas time!!!!! |
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| giving thanks |
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| 10:02pm 26/11/2005 |
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mood: thankful
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I know it's kinda late and Thanksgiving is over, but I have been busy and didn't get a chance to do this. So now I have some time so here are some of the things I am thankful for...
*God
*My mom and my brother
*The true friends in my life who I love to death and cherish
*Spending a year of my life with an amazing person
*Jake
*Having the chance to be something spectacular
*A roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food to eat
*The education that I am currently getting
And to think that's only the start of it |
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| LSU is NOT the best! |
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| 06:17pm 22/11/2005 |
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mood:  hungry music: HomeWrecker
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I studied a lot for my Statistics test and I think I did very well on it. I'll know by the end of the week-end.
In other news, Rent is an absolutely amazing movie. Michelle, Jenn, Josh, and & I went last night to see it. It doesn't come out in the movie theatres till tomorrow, but we are VIP so you know how that goes. LOL. Anyways, I never really knew the story line behind it until last night. The ending made me extremely emotional. Not just because of what happens, but it brought back a lot of memories and triggered a lot of emotions I haven't felt in awhile. I wasn't expecting that at all. It was good for me though. Crying is like cleansing the soul and I did a lot of both last night. Josh and I had a pretty serious talk last night before going to sleep. I think after it was all done and said, it made our relationship a little stronger. After the movie, we all went to Friday's and Michelle, me, & Josh had a huge argument about who is better; LSU or UM. Of course that is a never ending argument between the 3 of us. Deep down UM is better and one day, Josh will stop denying it and admit the truth. No one is here, everyone went home already. I can't wait to go home tomorrow. A nice 4 day week-end home, with no school work to do, now that is what I'm talking about. It's lonely here without Michelle :(
UM is #1 |
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| a big ball of emotion |
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| 03:13pm 20/11/2005 |
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mood: confused
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I've been very happy lately and I owe it to 2 people. Michelle and Josh, I don't know what I would do without either of you in my life. I love the time we spend when we are together, there are no words to describe it. I don't think I have been this happy and laid back since last March and it's hard to explain, but I love you both for everything you guys have done for me.
Friday was 8 months. I almost forgot. I felt so stupid and angry at myself for not remembering all day. What was I thinking? On one hand, it's a sign that I am moving forward, but on the other hand, I feel like I am forgetting. I don't wanna forget and I know I never will. It's just hard and I can't explain it. A wise person told me I can't keep counting the rest of my life and I know they are right. Time heals all wounds and that is something that I just need, time.
Other than that, this week-end was pretty good. On Friday, I got into a mustard/vinegar fight with Trevor at work. LOL, such good times. And being I smelled horrible, I didn't go to French and Josh came to pick me up. When I got into my car, I noticed my mats were clean, my clock wasn't dusty, and that my car just looked clean. Come to find out, while I was at work, he took Michelle with him to get my car washed and have the inside cleaned. That was such a nice surprise. He even filled my gas tank up. No one has done something like that for me in awhile, so it was nice to know how much they care. Then Friday night, me, Josh, Michelle, and Jenn watched House of Wax. It was an ok movie, nothing to write home about. Then we went into the clubhouse and played some pool. Michelle and I kicked some major ass. Then yesterday I just bummed around all day and got absolutely nothing accomplished. Then last night, I got all prettied up and Josh took me out to dinner. We went to Breo, an Italian Restaurant in Winter Park Village. The food was great and I had a lot of fun. Then when we got back, Jordan, me, Josh, and Michelle drank a bit and played Taboo and Scatagories. Always fun with those kids. Now today I am sitting here doing what I do best, procrastinating. I have a Statistics test and a French test tomorrow and well yeah, I need to study. |
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| the conclusion |
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| 04:42pm 17/11/2005 |
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mood:  lethargic music: ellen
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...And in the end, they all live happily ever after... |
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| once upon a time |
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| 12:14pm 16/11/2005 |
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Obviously livejournal is a place where people can talk and vent and get things out right? Then why can't I? I mean, give me a break. So being venting is apparently no longr accepted, it's story time bitches!
So one day, there was a log cabin full of kids. Everything was peachy keen until 1 day, some of the kids decided to do something without telling the other kids. When the other kids were done hunting one afternoon, they walked into the cabin and holy shit, there were a bunch of changes. When opinions were spoken about how they felt about the changes, they were not respected nor listened to. So the kids dropped the deer they just hunted and sat down and chatted with the other kids. Rather than speaking, they used hand gestures. After hours of hand signals, nothing was accomplished. So the next day, being things were changing all around, the other kids decided to add some more colorful changes to the cabin. All we did was play the game back and it wasn't liked. So now the log cabin goes bare. Nothing but brown wood walls. That is fine. It'll make me appreciate my room more than I already do.
Moral of the story: a relationship between people can not exist without a sturdy foundation. That foundation consists of 2 things; communication and compromise.
THE END |
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| i'm curious |
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| 12:20am 12/11/2005 |
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mood:  curious
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Curiousity has gotten the best of me and I was wondering if you could describe me in 1 word, what would it be? |
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| it's been FOREVER |
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| 11:59pm 11/11/2005 |
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Wow! I haven't updated in like forever. Well, here I am. A lot has happened in the past 3 weeks (or whenever it was I wrote last) Here goes nothing to sum it up:
*Damien is an asshole who I know longer speak to
*Our Halloween party was amazing thanks to me and Michelle
*I got a 92 on my Police & Society Mid-Term
*I lost my A in World Religions
*Statistics is scaring me, big time!
*Michelle, Nick, Josh, & I had a SPACTACULAR time for a week (I'd do anything to get that time back)
*Josh, Michelle, & I had a good time at our Homecoming game (even though I got mad at Jordan, sorry again!)
*I've been doing really good mentally and emotionally
*I've been spending a lot of time with Josh and it's really nice being around him
*I'm determined to no longer eat Subway cookies, candy, or drink soda...diet starts Monday!
*This semester makes me nervous
*I'm currently home and after making efforts with quite a few people, they all backfired in my face
*We are having our Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday
*Currently, I'm still waiting for an apology for rudely disrespecting me in my own house
*Halloween is over and it makes me sad
*A month and Christmas break is here and a part of me can't wait and a part of me doesn't want it to come
*It was a wall to knock down, but I look at Michelle as my best friend
****My apartment is a disgusting shithole!
About that last comment, yeah, I'm sorry for anyone who walks into our apartment. There is still shit laying around and stains all over from our party 2 weeks ago. Is that gross or what? Being that everyone only Michelle and I clean, we are fed up and are on strike. Imagine 3 bags of garbage piling in the kitchen with a sink full of dirty dishes with dishes on the counters. In that visual image, picture shit all over the floor and a beer pong table that is covered in stains (stains that are soaked in no less). To top it off, add a nice little stench to your nostrils. HELLO & WELCOME TO MY APARTMENT!
I'm wondering...
how long do we have to wait? |
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| it quickly approaches |
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| 11:57pm 25/10/2005 |
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mood: excited
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4 days until Saturday, I can NOT wait! In some ways, I am less stressed and in others, my stress level is through the roof. Our balcony is completely done. And it kicks major ass too. Michelle and I did such an awesome job, we rock. Just wait until tomorrow night when they judge it and we are time warping out there. It will be fantastic! (hopefully we'll win). All we have left is clean our rooms and clean this disgusting house. That will probably take us a good couple of house Thursday night because we have to get everything in order. Then after that, all we have left is make the jello shots, bake the cakes, and then let the party begin. I'm so excited. We (Michelle and I) have worked really hard on everything so I can't wait for the moment to come where we can sit down and toast a drink to our accomplishment.
It's cold out. Have I mentioned I hate the cold? Well, I do. This is Florida for crying out loud. It needs to warm up and now. I've been in an extremely good mood lately. Gee, I wonder why.
Damien is 99% not coming this week-end. Boo-hoo. Yeah right! Actually, when his phone starts working again, it will be known that me and him will not be working out for various reasons. Why can't guys see that the best thing is right in front of them? They are so freakin blind and stupid. Hey, you never knew what you had until you lost it.
Technically, 3 days left now... |
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| boys are smelly |
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| 10:24pm 19/10/2005 |
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mood: frustrated
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This is 100% venting. Boys are stupid, ALL OF THEM! Boyfriends, friends, boys you like, brothers, fathers, they are all idiots! They suck so bad, I just wanna throw rocks at them. Why can't people understand you have priorities, just like them? Oh, but excuse me, mine don't count and yours do. Thanks, I appreciate it. This house is a shithole. I wanna blow it up, seriously. And so is my room. I nearly tripped and cracked my head open about 5 minutes ago. Good one Michelle. I can't wait till next week. Not just for the party, but so this apartment looks like an actual apartment. If you walked in now and saw the huge mess we have, you would think we are pigs. You think it's funny. I'm not laughing. I wanted to get so much accomplished tonight. Hmmm...all that got accomplished was decorating my door and going shopping for all the last minute things we needed for our party. So let's see...
Wal-Mart: $30
Party City: $5
Liquor Store: $5
Coming home to this disaster where all you wanna do is rip your hair out: Priceless
Shoot me. Please. Just get it over and done with. I can't even jump off my own balcony for pete's sakes because I'll mess up our decorations. Oh, and this hurricane. Can it be anymore of an inconvenience? I think not. So Michelle and I spend our time and effort into decorating the balcony and we might have to take all the damn stuff down. I should stop my bitching and be thankful it's coming this week-end and not next. Now that would piss me off. The UCF game got moved to Friday night. Michelle and I are still going, but that messed up the plans I had for Saturday. AHHHH! When is it gonna end? Why can't everything just be good and flow for once? I know why. That would make life a little too freakin simple. And for some reason, my life never seems to be simple, ever.
On the bright side, I got a B on my French mid-term and currently have a B+ in the class. |
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| are you a gold digger? |
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| 09:42pm 17/10/2005 |
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mood:  ish music: michelle's ring tones
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Life is grand. I'm happy. I don't know what I would do without Michelle. Seriously though, I would've shot myself by now without her. We are the queens of decorations (directions?). Who rules? We rule! That's right, me and Michelle. Homework? No one has homework around here! Lock you out Lock you in. Wanna play with it? Wanna play with it? No I don't. No I don't. Today has been a good day. Cheers! Going home was good. I love home. I'll miss it for the next month :(.We have a lot to do in the next 2 weeks. We = me & Michelle. Halloween Horror Nights on Thursday. I can't wait to get those pretty spinning colorful cups. I stole Michelle's shoes today. She couldn't find them. LOL. OHHH!!! We went to Publix and there was a big yellow M&M and I took a picture with it! Now I have pictures with the yellow M&M and the blue M&M. Who's a pimp? I'm a pimp. Actually, currently I'm a hustler (told by my shirt). And Michelle I think is feeling lucky (told by her shirt).
Ok, I'm done. |
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| ha ha halloween is almost here! |
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| 04:56pm 12/10/2005 |
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mood:  relaxed music: Home Improvement
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Some more good news, I got another A, this time in French. I feel like I'm on a roll. Now if I find out tomorrow I got an A on my Statistics test, that will make me ecstatic! I'm annoyed though, I wanted to come home this week-end without any worries of studying or tests. All my tests would have been over by Friday and I would be free. But no, my French teacher decided to move my mid-term that was gonna be on Friday to Monday. So now I have to try and change my doctor appointment on Monday and if I can't, then I have to cancel it. Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
There was so much drama going on around here last night. I don't feel like getting into it all, but the idiots across the hall are exactly that, idiots. And without Erin here, I thought life would be better, but no, she still ocntinues to cause drama in all our lives. Good thing I wasn't here last night when she stopped by.
Other than that, Michelle and I have been decorating the inside of our apartment all week. It looks so good! I can't wait till our party, only 17 days left. I hope people like them because me and her have put a lot of time and effort into this. Not to mention we are nowhere near done, just wait till next week. |
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| i'm so excited...! |
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| 06:14pm 10/10/2005 |
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mood: happy
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I have the best news ever. This morning around 11, I found out that I got an A on my World Religions test. Not just a A, a 100%! How often does that happen in my life? Never. Actually, it's my first ever in college. I definitely deserved it. It made my entire day.
Other than that, my week-end was pretty fun and completely unproductive. I went to the UCF game and we won! If you know anything about UCF football, you would be astonished that we just won our 3 consecutive game in a row. After that, I went to a party and got pretty wasted. It was a lot of fun though. I learned a new card game which I am hoping to carry onto our party. Sunday was blah. I had a lot to do but did nothing of importance. Well, if you feel decortaing for Halloween is important, then I guess I did. Michelle and I did as much as we could and it looks pretty kick ass. I can't wait. 19 more days.
I have a lot to do. As I sit here and type this, I look around at my unfolded clean laundry, my pile of dirty laundry, my movie that is 1/2 watched, my messy room, and yeah, that's enough. So I'm off to do something productive. The question is, will anything get done? |
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| i won't hold my breathe anymore |
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| 02:20am 08/10/2005 |
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mood: blah
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I can't sleep. My head is pounding and my throat is sore. Being sick is something I don't want or need at the moment. I just watched the movie Crazy Beautiful. It was suprisingly good. At first I was hesitant but I'm glad I kept it on. After it was over, I broke down for 5 minutes. I have no idea where it even came from. I've been having quite a few of those moments lately actually. It sucks. Tonight it was over how I missed his hands on me. Why do I have to keep going through this? When will it end?
Changing the subject, I think I got an A on my Religions test today. I have a Stats test on Monday. All I can do is cross my fingers. This is probably the first week-end all semester where I really have nothing to do. And I'm pretty much by myself this week-end, so it's nice. I need to clean around here, considering some people don't. It's so gross, it's disgusting and I'm fed up of living like this. People from down south came out of the wood-work tonight. I find it quite amusing. I love the line "I've tried calling you and you just never called me back" when you never called and cell phones having caller ID can prove that. But I'm sorry, I work Monday-Friday and have to worry about school. Yet when I was home last time and physically in front of you, no words could be spoken to me. So ironic. It's just easier to blame me for it. I get it. I'm just gonna try and brush it off. I can't dwell on petty bullshit right now when I have a lot to focus on this upcoming week with school. I'm going to my first ever UCF football game tomorrow. I'm quite excited. Anyways, I need to lay down and attempt some sleep. |
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| a trip to think |
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| 11:17pm 02/10/2005 |
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mood:  tired
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This week-end was spontaneous. Friday night, me and the roomies went and saw Just Like Heaven. It was such a cute movie. And yes, it was definitely a chick flick. I admit it, I cried for a few minutes. It was like a fairy tale and makes me want life to happen how it does in the movies, yet it never does. Then on Saturday, me, Michelle, & Lauren headed to New Smyrna Beach to see Cohen, Myles, & Patrick sing in their first show ever. I love them a lot! I was definitely proud to see their progress up there. Then we bought some stuff for our Halloween party and sometime in between, I got a spur-of-the-moment idea and wanted to see Damien. So I did. My mom wasn't very happy with me and I have no idea what I was thinking, but I packed a few things and drove home, finally reaching my destination around 10pm. I hate night driving. I don't know what possessed me to do that. Ask anyone, it was nuts of me. I just can't explain it. I look at it that you only live once and life is too short, so I just do. And that may not always be a good thing, but I feel if I sit back too much and think about it, the world will just pass me by and that is something I don't want. I wanna live my life to the fullest and enjoy each day as if it were my last.
And amongst my travels, I did A LOT of thinking. I came to realize a few things. Everything happens for a reason and I feel my trip did a lot of good in the long run, helped me clear my mind a lot. Granted driving there and back within 24 hours wasn't fun, but hey, it's over now. The bad thing though was my mom was upset about me coming home for a day so she was "too busy" to see me. So I spent my time with Damien. And inside, it made me happy. Regardless what anyone thinks, this is for me. No matter what, I will always respect everyone else's opinions, but this is my life I have to live. I finally watched The Goonies. Another good movie. It just took me awhile to finally see it.
I feel like I have a lot going on inside of me. And it's really hard to explain. It's not bad, actually, it's pretty good. And while driving, I've learned to accept a few things. I don't hold the world in my hands. I have to allow things to happen as they do and I have to learn to accept it. I need to just go with the flow of life and deal with whatever is handed to me. I need to stop worrying so much. That is something I am determined to work on. Also this week-end, I realized that I have no freakin clue what I actually wanna do with my future. I used to be the kid who did, and now I feel lost. I wanna do something with criminals, I know that. It's just what exactly. I like to have a plan. I think about the future too much instead of dealing with the present, but that is just how I am. I'm worrying so much about our Halloween party or what's happening in 2 weeks rather than dealing with the now and what is going on tomorrow. It just kinda stresses me out not knowing what I wanna be. I'm sure it'll come to me, it just takes time. Something else I need to learn; patience. Everything will happen in all due time I'm sure. |
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| actions speak louder than words |
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| 12:14am 30/09/2005 |
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mood:  sore music: System of a Down
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So this is my 2nd time writing today being my first entry was deleted because piece of shit Pegasus Landing's internet went out. So anyways, I have felt good mentally and physically this past week. A lot of it is because I have been working out and it helps. I'm going to start yoga tomorrow because I feel it will help with my anxiety. I just can't deal with it anymore. It's gotten to the point where I don't wanna deal with it. I'm at a point in my life where I need to not move on, but move forward and I'm accepting that. And I am holding my head up high as I try and do that. I can only take it a day at a time. And some people apparently don't understand. For example, BLT. LoL. It's people like that I don't need in my life and I need to accept that now before I allow people into my life. I need to only surround myself with positive things as I am trying to get away from the negativity. Saturday starts the first of October (holy shit!) and I have changed a lot in my life. Hopefully it'll continue and work out for me in the end. I am a lot less stressed now that I'm not at Stein Mart anymore. I feel as if I live at Subway though, but it's all good. I'm becoming good friends with a couple people there. Too bad we didn't establish this good frendship last year, but hey, better late than never.
I want our Halloween party to be here already. I'm super excited for it. We're gonna have a blast. Speaking of which, Damien is coming up here for it. Yay! I can't wait. I'm just excited that someone is coming to visit me. I shouldn't expect much though considering I don't even speak to anyone else anymore. I guess that's what I get for even expecting anything. All that is left in the end is disappointment and a kick in the ass. Welcome to reality. |
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